I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
