I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize