This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
