I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
