The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
