On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
