Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
