I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
