My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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