Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
