Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
