season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
