all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
