idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize