We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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