every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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