Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
