Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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