One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
