if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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