There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
