I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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