All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize