whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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