I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Found the puke drawer
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
