Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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