I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
