Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
