Can i not drive my cunt home
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
