She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
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