I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
