remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
