A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
