i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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