Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
