I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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