my phone needs a breathalizer
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
