Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
