just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
