That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
