I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
