What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
