oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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