Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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