I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
