I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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