there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
