hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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