Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
