She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
