I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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