found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
