so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You are a genius and a whore.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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