On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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