If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
