you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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