whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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