if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
