he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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