If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize