Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
