She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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