I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
