It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
