my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All the doctor said was why
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
