HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
