It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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