dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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