The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
