just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
