We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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